Nowadays I see no exit door

“I miss the nightmares from which I could wake up and intrude on reality—pay it back. These new ones with their seductive complicatedness— I do not know how to navigate them.” – Okasungora

Her voice; It’s one of those that startle you from a slumber you tried so hard to escape into. It’s sharp, shrieking, and almost intolerable. You feel like it speaks to you, that voice. You feel like the sound of fate when it tells you ‘I told you so’. Or ‘what goes around…’. Or just something that would make you want to stick your little finger in your ear even when it’s uncouth and you’re a cool kid. ‘Want to’- because as a cool kid there are things you just DON’T DO. 😀

Wednesday the twelfth; 8.33 am. Oh Jeez. Not again! 😦

The SHRIEKS!!! A string of shrilling sounds in a conversation, sometimes a song, followed by loud thumping sounds as the loads go down the stairs. You know those ‘tom-tom drums’ from primary school? (Oh wait, you didn’t use that phrase? How old are you?! )

Those sounds; they’re the kind you don’t want to wake up to, yet more often than not, are what will wake you when you want to sleep in. But you don’t hate them par se; hate is a strong word. Love too. Rather, you appreciate them for the escape tunnel they grant you. And when you get unearthly or scary dreams, you want a distraction because sometimes these dreams almost consume you. I can’t even watch a horror/ scary movie for Pete’s sake!

I get these dreams. Some are nightmares but some are just plain weird. My friend says I should write about them; that if I can’t beat them I should use them. I’ve thought about that too, a couple of times. I think that they would make perfect fictional stories; the kind that make a person an Award winning author. I tell myself that I will write them in the morn, and then when I rise I lack the vigor to tell the stories like they should be told. You know how it is with stories.

These are the kind of dreams I’d want my daughter to be wary of. When they start they make you the heroine. They give you wings so you travel the world in a wink. You climb mountains and save lives and solve problems that are thought impossible when you’re conscious. When faced by a villain you can’t conquer, they show you an exit door so you wake up and escape. You look forward to the adventure that shuteyes bring and it’s consoling that there’s always an exit if you risk a broken nail. Or heart.

Then, when you aren’t looking, these alluring dreams creep up on you and make you the victim. They frighten and torture you in your subconscious state but unlike before, they let you see no exit door. And these dreams test your patience and courage and utmost being and make you see sides of you that you didn’t know existed. And the worst part is that they always feel so real, so tangible, and so full of life for dreamland.

Sometimes you don’t even realize that there can be an escape until the shrilling sounds of her voice wake you. And even if the shrieks annoy you, you don’t cover your ears lest the freaks from your subconscious catch up with you.

I really do miss when I could wake up and walk out of the nightmares; away from the troubles. Nowadays I see no exit door.

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